I had the honor of participating in the Women and Happiness weekend conference hosted by the Omega Institute in NYC. For those coming to the LYJ blog looking for insights on joy, meaningful work and happiness, here are some of the highlights from one of the main speakers, Brené Brown.

Brené Brown is a Texas research professor and author of The Gifts of Imperfection (which I cannot wait to read). She spoke at length on her work analyzing the characteristics of the “wholehearted”, a group of people she discovered who seemed to live their lives from a place of joy, more so than others.

From research interviews, Brown discovered the following about the “wholehearted”:

• They cultivate self-compassion, and let go of perfectionism.

• They cultivate play and rest, and let go of exhaustion and productivity as a means of self-worth. (The wholehearted fool and piddle around a lot, she said. They play. She cited Stuart Brown’s definition of play as “to spend time without purpose.”)

• They cultivate calm and stillness, and let go of anxiety as a lifestyle.

• They feel a deep sense of love and belonging, mainly by feeling worthy of love and belonging.

• They practice gratitude. She emphasized that gratitude is a “practice” involving a continual commitment.

• They embrace vulnerability. Brown spoke at length on vulnerability and has a viral TED talk on this theme. I highly recommend viewing this and her talk on shame since both offer rich insights. One of my main takeaways was that creativity and innovation are incredibly vulnerable acts. Shame and fear, as part of a workplace or within oneself, stifle creativity and innovation. Honor yourself for “daring greatly.” Overall, Brown has put the spotlight on vulnerability and made us all more thoughtful about its value.

Interestingly, the most highly compassionate people Brown studied had “boundaries like you would not believe.” They said no with abandon. She theorized that when you care for yourself and when you put yourself first, it’s easier to love and be compassionate with others. “Choose discomfort over resentment” is Brown’s new mantra, meaning, choose the brief social discomfort of saying no over a future resentment.

Listening to Brown’s talk, I began to think more about areas of my life and ways of being that perhaps are not serving my overall happiness and well being.

Where can you begin to cultivate more of the qualities of the “wholehearted” to become more kind and compassionate with yourself and joyful at home, in your work and in your community?